The last time I posted on this blog I explained that I had a lot on my plate, and that blogging would be taking a backseat over the summer. That was almost a year ago.
The remainder of 2019 was busy, really busy, and it wasn’t feasible for me to do anything at all other than what was on my to do list. Then just as I started to get a handle on things, the rug was pulled from under us and my Mum got ill. The adrenaline of needing to be strong kept me going for a little while, but soon after I felt myself crash. I am exhausted to a level that I’ve never felt before, and I’ve been off work for the last few weeks while I try to get myself back to a more functional place. Previously I felt like my brain was going to be permanently broken and I was genuinely a bit unsure about what the future looked like. I wasn’t being productive at work, I had no passion for anything, and I just wanted to sleep all the time. I had convinced myself that I wasn’t going to be able to keep doing my job as a researcher and was spending far too many hours googling part time jobs that would allow me to work in pressure-free environments (spoiler alert – I’m pretty sure nothing is pressure-free). I’m glad that I decided to take a step back. Things are ok now, and I feel like my brain will be ok after a proper break. I know I’ll get back to research in a few weeks, and I know I’ll be alright doing it long-term.
While I’ve been off work I’ve been taking things really easy, saying no to just about everything, and spending lots of time not doing work. I’ve started my first embroidery kit, I’ve done some doodling, and I’ve been going for lots of walks because at the end of January we got a dog! This is a Huge Deal.
We adopted Barney from Dogs Trust in Glasgow, and I LOVE HIM.
He was a stray in Ireland before he ended up at Dogs Trust, so we don’t know much about him. We think he’s about 3 years old, and he’s some sort of terrier cross – possibly a bit of Lakeland and/or Welsh terrier in there. He came home and we were warned that he could be quite anxious, but he’s really grown in confidence. He’s missing his two front teeth and he has no idea how to play fetch, but apart from that he’s doing well!
So what now? Well, as I’m sure you’re aware, the world is currently on fire. The coronavirus pandemic is terrifying, and like lots of people I’ve been feeling more anxious over the past week or so. It all feels a bit like we’re living in a (really terrible) film, so I’ve been reading books and watching YouTube as a means of escapism. One YouTube video I watched was from Lauren and the Books, I’ll link it here and embed it below so you can watch it if you want to.
One of the things on Lauren’s list of things to do when you’re stuck at home was writing, so here we are. This little blog is back up and running, and I’ll be using it to share nice things with minimal pressure. I’m resisting a schedule so that this little corner of the internet remains pressure-free for me, so I’ll be back at some point with some chilled writing 🙂
In the meantime, stay safe, wash your hands, look out for your friends and neighbours, and for fuck’s sake, stop hoarding toilet roll.
One thought on “Hello, Yes I’m Still Alive”
Great blog Heidi. It’s important to allow time for your own sanity in life. I have many friends (mainly in healthcare) close to burnout and it’s not going to improve any time soon.
Take good care of yourself and Barney, your lovely rescue dog. He’s gorgeous. I think my old dog Daisy (aged 15+) is the only thing that keeps me smiling.
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